Secret Relationship

Visitors Question:


I started to like my best friend, this became a problem because I am a female and so is my best friend. To my surprise we both fell in love with each other and have been together for more than a year. The complication is that we both have strict parents who do not like gay people, part of it has to do with their culture. I believe I am truly and deeply in love with this girl. I always pay for everything we do or eat, I am very romantic and always want to make her happy. When she went on vacation for a long period of time I felt like a zombie(assuming I know how that feels?!) I would sleep all day, I had no energy or even wanted to do something else. I never missed someone so much in my entire life!!!!!! She has been the only person that i have dated that I could see ending up with and having a family. The problem now is that i came out to my parents and my friends. She has not done that because she is too afraid of her parents and what people might think of her. I can understand her because I obviously went through that. It sucks soooooo much to be out in public and pretend she is just my friend, I hate it. Therefore, I spend most of my time just with her and no one else. Now, I only have a few friends (2 or 3) that i rarely see. I study less and waste a lot of my money. I do not go to parties or any large event because if she goes as well just because we have the same friends we can't do anything and it's extremely awkward and uncomfortable to me. I love her sooo much but being with her brings many negative things into my life. She is a nice girl who makes me feel so happy, most of the time at least. But she does not want anyone to know we are dating and to be quiet honest i don't know when she will ever be. She still lives with her parents and is controlled by them a lot. It is the hardest thing to date someone for so long and keep it as a secret, it consumes my life because I can't do things that I was able to do before i was with her; I don't mean flirt and have sex with other people, I mean going to partying, hanging out with people, studying and saving money. This is obviously affecting my life but I love her so much and leaving her is so painful to me, even now just thinking about it anxiety kicks in. What should I do??? Break up with her??? or is there another solution that could truly work???

Answer:

I see that you care for her, you've made that known, but I haven't heard you talk too much of how she may feel about you.

If she really cares for you, then she shouldn't care what someone else feels about it. If you truely can't handle how she's acting, then you must sit and talk with her.

Just because she lives with her parents doesn't necessarily means she's being controlled. She's living under her parents roof and I'm quite sure it comes with rules, no matter how obsurd you may think the rules are.

You want to be with someone that want's to be with you in public right? Why is she hiding? Maybe she's not mature enough yet for you or you can be getting this relationship a little twisted.

Again, If you truely can't handle how she's acting, then you must sit and talk with her and come to some conclusion. I hope I've helped you in some way. All the best.

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